Get mums reading!
Being a reading role model to our children and students means we can connect with colleagues and friends through books.
Before my son was born, reading was such an enormous part of my life. I read avidly; completing reading challenges, vlogging about books and regularly spending large parts of my weekend curled up on the sofa or hanging out in a coffee shop with my nose in a book. I also read widely: children’s books, YA, thrillers, prize-winners, graphic novels and classics all made up the wide range of literature I would devour regularly.
When my son was born, I realised what they meant when they said nothing can prepare you. For someone who had been so independent, pursuing a wide range of interests of my own, the shock of becoming a parent was something I struggled to come to terms with. I was unhappy in that first stage of my son’s life and sometimes, I felt disconnected from who I was.
When I felt lost, I also felt I’d lost those many parts of myself that had made me, me. Reading was included in that. Firstly, it was because the anxiety I experienced wouldn’t allow me to concentrate on anything. Secondly, I was far too tired and even if I had been able to try, I should imagagine I’d have been asleep by the end of the first page.
Fortunately, I got some help in that early part of motherhood and once those hazy first few months were out of the way, I did feel able to go back to books. The first book I returned to was Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld. It’s not critically acclaimed or a literary classic but, hailed ‘The OC meets Donna Tartt's The Secret History with flashes of Clueless,’ it’s juicy and compelling. This YA novel tells the story of Lee Fiora, a working class teenager who gets a place at a prestigious boarding school, Ault. Full of angst, teenage romance and friendship fall-outs, it was the perfect, safe antidote to lure me back into reading. I’ve re-read it again since.
And whilst I’m certainly not consuming books in the way I did before I became a parent, I have certainly re-asserted my own reading identity, reading regularly, reading widely and talking (and writing!) lots about books.
When I had some of my friends round a few weeks ago, other mums who live in my area and have children the same age as my son, I was updating them on the work I’m doing with Get Them Reading. One of my friends asked me for some recommendations and I picked a few up from my shelf- Prep included, as well as Coco Mellors’ Cleopatra and Frankenstein and Patrick Radden Keefe’s Empire of Pain. I took such joy in recommending books I’d loved and I thought she would too.
When she told me the other day that she’d enjoyed Cleopatra and Frankenstein, it struck me that it was the perfect opportunity to suggest a mums’ book group. In fact, when I mentioned it in our WhatsApp group, she’d said just the same. We’re starting off with Yesteryear, a Sunday Times best seller and a book that’s been described as ‘utterly addictive’ and ‘nightmarish’, it seems there will be lots for our new group to discuss.
Reading for me, and many others, is an important part of our identities and forms an integral part of self-care. More than that, though, I’m so happy that I can connect with other parents through books and this has reminded me of the vital social aspect of enjoying literature. There’s research, in fact, to suggest that the social element of reading is vital in supporting readers’ motivation to read. I also want to be a good reading role model for my little boy too. Not only do I want to read regularly with him, I also want him to see me reading and enjoying books. When reading has brought me such joy and comfort, even in times of pain, I want that for him, and for all others too.
Motherhood changed my relationship with reading, but perhaps not in the way I first feared it would. I may not finish novels at the same speed or spend whole weekends lost in books anymore, but reading still grounds me in who I am. In many ways, it means even more now: it offers comfort, connection and small moments of myself amid the chaos of parenting. And as I sit beside my son turning pages together, or talk books with other parents over coffee, I’m reminded that reading isn’t only a solitary escape. It’s also a way of finding our way back to ourselves and to each other.